Dating again – How to get back in the saddle after being married to a horse’s ass…

If you’ve been married for a while and then find yourself on the singles scene again, it can seem intimidating as hell. I have several friends currently in the newly single category, and they’re all at various stages of wading back into the dating pool. Most are too shy or uncomfortable or whatever to just dive right in. For some reason, women seem to create a lot of drama for themselves when it comes to first dates. Is the guy the right guy? What if he thinks I have too much baggage? What if I’m not ready for a “relationship?” Blah, blah, blah. Come on! It’s just a date – he’s not going to propose right off the bat. You’re just seeing if you two have anything in common – stop making it such a big deal.

So, to all the newbie daters I know, and everyone else for that matter, let me share a little secret. Dating can be easy. And it’s loads of fun! When I reached the point when I was ready to stop moping around and start meeting new people, I decided that I was going to do it up right. If a guy asked me out, even if he wasn’t my usual type (and barring any obvious red flags not to), I said yes. Absolutely. No question. Didn’t hesitate – didn’t waver. I looked at it like this -  my man-picker MUST have been broken, as evidenced by the hot mess my previous marriage turned out to be. I reasoned that since my man-picker was dysfunctional, and since  all those guys who I would normally say no to on first glance did NOT fall into my man-picking category of keepers, one of THEM just might be the right guy for me. So I gave it a shot. And not only did I say yes if I was asked out – I asked guys out too. I did the whole online dating thing, I met people through friends, I met people at work, whatever. I dated guys from 23 years old to 50. I dated scientists, soldiers, students, and everyone in between. My theory was that as long as I didn’t play games or string people along, the worst that could happen was that I’d end up realizing that a guy wasn’t the right one for me and I’d move on. And you know what? My theory was right. I met some really great guys, who, despite not being the “one”, have ended up being pretty damn good friends. And I had a BLAST! More fun than I’d had in years. I wouldn’t trade any of those dates for the world, and I’ll tell you why. By actually taking the time to date a variety of men, I learned what it was that I wanted in a guy by pinpointing exactly what I didn’t want.  I’d have never figured that out sitting at home watching The Biggest Loser, you know. And when I finally figured it out, I did meet the “one”(but that’s another blog entirely)!

My point is that once you get through the hard stuff and you start thinking that maybe you’re ready for the next chapter, don’t look. Just jump in!And remember – it’s JUST A DATE. Have fun…you deserve it! And let me know how it’s going!

~ by akarcher on April 22, 2009.